PersonalPosted by Beata Wed, March 21, 2012 21:20:26
Where I am now, I should be following a schedule, take regular breaks and go workout every day to make sure my arms get better. I could focus on that and nothing else. I could take photographs without editing them afterwards. There´s a lot of things I can do, even with my arms hurting.
But I feel that I´m focusing my energy all wrong. The worries take over, instead of focusing on getting better, I´m focusing on how I´m going to feel if I don´t get better. And, ofcourse, that makes me feel sad. I feel that I´m making things worse. I´m making it more difficult than it has to be.
I think it´s really important to understand how you work. Because if you know yourself, you will be able to relate to your different sides and decide who you want to be.
I realised that I´m so tired of this part inside of me that´s always telling me that it might not work, that I can´t be too sure, that it may be better for me to just give up.
I don´t want that part to take over. I don´t want that part to win! That´s why I´m writing this. Because I know that it´s not true. I know that I will be better, that there´s endless possibilities for me in the world. The thing I want to say is that you always get to choose. Maybe you have a big or small part inside of you screaming that you should give up right away, but you don´t have to listen! You always get to decide when it´s too early to give up.
PersonalPosted by Beata Tue, March 20, 2012 23:59:19
I´ve decided to create this blog in my name as a photographic artist. These past months I´ve felt an urge to express myself and my thoughts around the photographic world. There´s one particular reson for this: I have a problem with my arms hurting.
This started in november last year. When I look back, it´s no wonder that my arms started hurting. I edited pictures every day for two months. I often sat in front of my computer for 14 hours / day. I never thought about taking breaks or working out in between. I soon started to feel that my arms started to hurt.
Because of this problem, I can no longer sit in front of my computer and edit pictures. I still do it, but I try to take breaks and never sit too long.
To be honest, this makes me depressed. I´m in a constant worry that I no longer will be able to create all the images floating around in my head. The thought of not being able to do what I love makes me really sad. Last year I finally realised what I wanted to do: photography. I felt complete in a way that I never have before. I started to work less and gave myself all the time I could to create my images. There´s only one word to describe how this made me feel: happiness. I felt happy. I felt that life could be sweet and easy, now that I knew what I wanted to do. The only thing I wanted to do every day was create. I was so grateful to have found my true passion!
And now, here I am, everyday forcing myself not to sit down in front of my computer to edit all the unfinished pictures. Trying to reschedule my time and do what is best for my body. That´s why I felt the need to start this blog. I want to believe that this has a meaning. That there´s a point with all this. Maybe I need to think about what I´m doing, why I´m doing it, and for whom I´m doing it. This blog will be about my struggle to find the right way back to my passion.