"End of the road"
Is this the end of the road? Is this what I´ve been walking towards all the time?
I wanted to post my latest work "End of the road" on this blog and write something about it. When I shot this, I was on a 5 week long trip with my boyfriend in Bali. It was lovely to get away from a dark and cold Sweden, and fly right into the warm and sunny landscape in Bali. Due to my problem with my arms (because of too much time spent in front of the computer, editing pictures) I got bored sometimes on this trip. All I wanted to do was edit edit edit, but I had to force myself not to. This feeling, when you can´t do what you love because of an injury, can make you feel depressed. One day I felt the need to take the picture you see above. I wanted to take a picture that somehow showed how I was feeling. The feeling I wanted to portray was the feeling of being trapped in your own destiny. How you´ve started on a certain road, but is forced to take a detour and don´t know if you´re going to end up somewhere else, maybe far away from where you intended. So I put my camera on a chair that I carried in to the bathroom on our hotelroom. I sat down in the shower and snapped a bunch of pictures with the remote. I didn´t start to edit this until I was home in Sweden. Then I knew the title: End of the road. I saw a girl leaning against the wall, feeling trapped and hopeless. Her feet aching from walking on a bumpy road. Her hair falling down in front of her face, as if she didn´t intend to look at the world anymore. I created those cold colours to make the feeling of despair even stronger and I made the feet look extra dirty to show the marks of walking on a hard road.
If you are lost, remember- you have only taken a detour on the way to your destination.
The quote above is one of my favourites, from a small book of quotes that I have standing on my desk. It can be hard to carry on doing what you love if you feel that the obstacles are too many. It doesn´t have to be an injury, it can be bad criticism, lack of response on what you´re doing, that creates the feeling of hopelessness, the feeling that it may be better to quit and do something else. If you stop wanting what you want the most, then you don´t have to fight anymore. Then you can do something that makes you feel okay, and you don´t have to be disappointed by a "no" anymore.
I´ve decided not to give up. This spring I´ve been getting a lot of no´s. No´s from art-schools I´ve applied to, no´s from magazines I´ve submitted to. But the biggest and hardest No have been that I can´t work as much as I want to. And this has sometimes made me wonder if I should quit photography, choose the easy way and stop trying. But I don´t want to! I was so happy when I understood my passion, when I found the power of photography. I´ve decided to accept that my road is completely different from how I thought it would be. But I´m not leaving it. I´m not taking another road just because my own is very hard to walk right now. And I don´t think anyone should leave their path. It may seem like the end of the road, but it never is. Your road can never end. I believe that we can get what we want in the end, if we´re prepared to fight for what´s meaningful. You will get where you want in time, if you´re brave enough to stick to your own path, however dangerous or hopeless it may seem.