Beata Rydén Photography Blog

Beata Rydén Photography Blog

The paradox of longing

PersonalPosted by Beata Tue, January 08, 2013 16:28:08

"We used to play"

A photo that I shot at the London workshop with Brooke Shaden in august 2012. Model: Olivia Clemens.

Last year I felt a longing to get away. Move to another place where I could stroll around at new streets, meet new friends, meet a new city. I also longed for a context, a place where I could belong, a place where people would value what I value, and love as much as I do: photography.

For two years I have applied to a School of Photography here in Gothenburg. It´s a university course that runs for three years, and then two more years if you want to study more. For two years I´ve been disappointed because I didn´t make it. Last year I felt so strongly that I wanted to belong somewhere. To learn things that I have only learned by myself so far. To meet people who share my passion. To meet teachers who´s working in the field. And also to get more confidence by having the experience that an education gives you. I started to look up schools on the internet, and found this one- year course that I´m taking now. I thought that it would be such a luxury to be able to focus on photography and nothing else for a whole year! I was very happy when I got accepted.

The school started in the end of August of 2012. The first months where quite stressful for me. We had to produce a lot of work, with almost no time to think about what we did or why we did it. We got assignments and deadlines. We got criticism, but no time to rethink our concept and do it over again. Less talk, more action. And I´m a person of thought! I´m a slow person that begins the day by looking out the window, thinking about what I will do with the day. I´m a person who makes a lot of coffee, strolls around the apartment and listens to my ideas and thoughts. I´m a person who constantly carries a notebook, who writes down her ideas and thoughts, and maybe processes them for a long time before even considering going out to actually shoot. I´m a person who sometime waits a couple of months before starting to edit my pictures, because I need the time to think about in what direction I want to take my photographs, and not doing anything stupid or of less quality only because I want it to be finished as soon as possible.

Of course this isn´t the case for me every day. A lot of days I have to get to certain appointments or go to work. A lot of days I can´t just stroll around at home as if there is no tomorrow. But when I get the chance, that´s what I often find myself to do. Take a walk, think and be creative. My goal in the end is to be able to be a full time artist, because that´s what´s in my nature. But to get there, I feel that I really need the education.

Having coffee with my mom is something that I love very much.

My mom <3

Tomorrow the last semester of my school begins. The spring will consist of more time to work on our own projects, and more time of processing our thoughts, which is something I am very excited about. Though it feels like this spring will be awesome, I still don´t feel like going back to school. The reason for that is because my school is in another city, a two hours car drive away from my home. And the last thing I feel like right now is leaving my home where I live together with my boyfriend. My home where everything has a place. Where I´m surrounded by inspirational things that I love. Where I have my routines. Where I have my cafées and family and friends. I know that a two hours car drive isn´t very much. I can take the train home in the evening if I want to. It´s just that I´m starting to find a way to live at home that I really enjoy. And to split my time up between two cities takes away a lot of energy and focus from what I really want to do.

A happy me where I love to be, in the countryside.

The funny thing is that last year I wanted to get away. I wanted to leave this city. I needed change. And I got change. I now have a new city to walk in, with new friends and new places to go to. I think that I just needed to feel the change to understand what I actually have at home: a wonderful life. I think that I needed to change my environment and habits in order to feel grateful for everything that I have in my life. Therefore I am happy that I decided to attend this school and move away from home. It made me long home instead of longing away :)

  • Comments(3)//